Parenting Tips for a Smart Phone Generation
3 Practical Ideas from One Dad's Perspective
We’re addicted to our devices. Our kids are too. None of us seem to be better for it. We all know this, but as we approach Back to School season (yeah, I can’t believe we’re almost there either) it’s worth asking the question, “What can families do practically to become less isolated and more connected to each other?”
I tackle this big issue from my perspective as a Dad and media producer in my book, The Forgotten Art of Being Ordinary, which comes out in September. Since that’s still a few months away, here are a few practical ideas that have worked for our family in the meantime.
Start with Watches.
Our 10 year old daughter had been begging us for her own device for nearly two years, so this past Christmas we caved and gave her her very own Gabb smart watch. In general, I like the idea of starting with watches before kids eventually graduate to phones because watches allow all the benefits of a smartphone without a portal to social media or the dark web. Not only is our daughter able to call or text us and her close friends, we’re also able to monitor her whereabouts and get a hold of her in an emergency.
Give Context.
This may sound surprising, but one tip is to actually watch MORE content with your kids. I’ll explain by borrowing a term from my 90’s childhood — the pro-wrestling word, Kayfabe. Kayfabe is a term that describes someone who plays a fake character but presents themselves as real to the unsuspecting public. Kayfabe is rampant throughout social media and can be especially confusing to impressionable kids. It used to be Miley Cyrus was playing Hannah Montana, a fictional role. Now, kids see a TikTok influencer and automatically think whatever that person is projecting on screen is their real life. The separation between celebrity and character, reality and make-believe has become razor-thin. It’s our job as parents and caregivers to help our kids know the difference. Our approach doesn’t have to be to ban it or shut it down. We can help our kids have a healthier understanding of it by pointing it out and providing valuable context where it’s most likely missing.
For Every “No,” Say “Yes.”
Finally, there are some games and apps we just don’t let our kids engage for privacy, safety, or mental health reasons. In these cases, we try to be intentional about pairing every “no” with a “yes” so they understand we’re not doing it to be mean or withholding. On the contrary, we want what’s best for them —and part of that means having fun IRL! “No you can’t download that” is paired with “Let’s invite your friend over for dinner tonight” or even “Let’s go to Target and get those new shoes you’ve been wanting.”
Parenting is hard, messy, complex, and nuanced. These ideas are currently working for us but I don’t expect any one of them to be a silver bullet for your unique situation. My hope is that they each spark some intentionality and perhaps a little creativity when it comes to whatever is best for your family. On that note, I’m curious if you have any tips or insights of your own when it comes to this challenging subject.
Post-Script: A Non-Screen Thing My Kids Love:
This is not a paid advertisement, just a plug for something I believe in. A few months ago, a buddy I went to college with shipped me something he invented, what he calls a “safe for kids” cooking knife. Long story short, my kids are now obsessed. It’s created some really awesome family time in the kitchen. On top of that it’s a great small business doing some remarkable things in its community. Get the knife and check out their story at crumbskids.com.